Be the Best Parents, Elevate the Status with Children in the Hereafter

Dream - The blessings and rewards from Allah SWT are immense through the children we bear and raise. In the Hereafter, children can become a continuous charity (sadaqah jariyah) and elevate the status of their parents.

As stated by Prophet Muhammad SAW:

Meaning: “When a person dies, their deeds will cease except for three things: continuous charity, beneficial knowledge, or righteous prayers from their children.” [1. HR. Muslim no. 1631].

Quoted from Muslim.or.id and compiled by Dr. Raehanul Bahraen, parents can elevate the status of their children in the Hereafter. This also applies to grandchildren and their descendants. If the status of their children and grandchildren is below their own, it can be elevated to the same level as their parents.

From Sa'id bin Jubair from Ibn 'Abbas, he said:

Meaning: “Allah elevates the status of the children and grandchildren of a believer to be equal to them, even though the deeds of the children and grandchildren are below theirs, so that their parents can be at peace and happy."

Then he read the word of Allah which means, "And those who believe, and their offspring follow them in faith" (AthThuur: 21) then he said: and we do not diminish from their fathers what we give to their children." [As-Silsilah Ash-Shahihah no.2490 5/495, Al-Maktabah As-Syamilah].

 

Sheikh Al-Albani rahimahullahu explained that this narration is authentic. He said,

Meaning: "There is no doubt about that, but it can be said that this hadith is mauquf (the statement of a companion) with the status of marfu’ (the saying of the Prophet peace be upon him). Because it is not said that it is solely ra’yu (the opinion of Ibn Abbas), but this is the apparent meaning of the mentioned verse... and its chain is authentic."

Ibn Kathir rahimahullahu also said,

Meaning: "This is the favor of Allah Almighty to the offspring because of the blessings of their fathers' deeds, as for the favor of Allah to their fathers, it is because of the blessings of their children's prayers." [Tafsir Ibn Kathir 7/433, Darut Thayyibah, cet.II, 1420 H, Syamilah].

In Tafsir Jalalain, it is explained that the children are elevated in their status and equated with their parents so that they can be reunited with their grandchildren in paradise in the future,

"The meaning of 'We connect their offspring to them' is that their offspring will be in paradise, so their offspring will be equal in status with them even if their offspring do not perform deeds like them, as a tribute to their fathers so that they can be reunited with their offspring (in paradise later)" [Tafsir Jalalain p. 535, Darus Salam, Riyadh, cet.II, 1422 H].

For a more detailed explanation, read here.

Before Going to Work, Give Warm Kisses to Your Children, Follow the Sunnah of the Prophet

Dream - Not all parents are accustomed to expressing affection with kisses and hugs. Usually, fathers are stiff when they want to hug and kiss their children.

Expressions of love are usually done in other ways, such as buying favorite items for children, spoiling them, or taking them anywhere. From now on, try to always kiss their forehead, cheek, or hand.

Follow the habits of Prophet Muhammad SAW in expressing affection for young children. Quoted from NU Online, Abu Hurairah RA documented the love of the Prophet Muhammad saw for children and grandchildren. (Al-Mundziri, At-Targhib wat Tarhib, [Beirut, Darul Fikr: 1998 M/1418 H], vol. III, page 156).

It means, "From the companion Abu Hurairah ra, he told the story, the Prophet Muhammad saw kissed his grandson, Hasan bin Ali ra. Near him was Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamimi. Aqra' responded, 'I have 10 children. I have never kissed any of them.' The Prophet Muhammad saw turned his gaze towards him, 'Whoever does not show affection will not be given affection.'" (Narrated by Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi).

So, do not hesitate to continuously give kisses to children. Especially when they go to school/college. Kiss their forehead and recite prayers and ask Allah SWT to always protect their beloved child.

Reciting prayers and sholawat for children while kissing their forehead, InshaAllah, it will be felt by the child to their heart. For a more detailed explanation, read it here.

 

The Prophet Reminds Parents to Be Careful in Speaking to Children, It Could Be a Prayer

Dream - Patience is an important asset in raising children. There are times when children obey their parents' rules and commands. However, when they start to become smart and mature, they often have their own arguments and refuse to obey.

Parents indeed need to be wiser when dealing with argumentative children. Avoid responding to them with explosive emotions and it is recommended to increase istighfar (seeking forgiveness from Allah). Islam reminds us to always control our speech and be careful in addressing our children.

Sometimes, when angry, hurtful words may unintentionally slip out. Make sure that when you are angry with your children, you do not utter words full of curses, let alone curse them.

 

The Message of the Prophet

Like the following hadith quoted from BincangMuslimah.

 

It means: Jabir said, "We once walked with the Prophet Muhammad Shallallahu 'alaihi wa Salam in the Battle of Buwath, he was looking for Al Majdi bin Amru al Juhani. The camel that was given water was guarded by five, six, and seven people, then one of the guards of the camel from the Ansar surrounded his camel, then the camel was stirred up and he mounted it. He pestered his camel but it remained silent, then he said to his camel: Hus, may Allah curse you." Then the Prophet Muhammad Shallallahu 'alaihi wa Salam asked, "Who cursed his camel?" he answered, "I did, O Messenger of Allah." The Prophet Muhammad Shallallahu 'alaihi wa Salam said, "Get off, do not accompany something that is cursed. Do not curse yourselves, do not curse your children, do not curse your wealth, do not fulfill the moment when your prayer is answered by Allah, then He will answer it for you." (Narrated by Muslim).

It sounds easy, but it requires great self-control. Especially when facing the behavior of children that is very emotionally draining, while parents are tired. Prophet Muhammad SAW reminded to be careful when expressing disappointment to their beloved child. For more details, read it here.

Triggers for Deviant Behavior in Children, Parents Must Know

Dream - Shaping a person's character begins from an early age. At this moment, parents bear a great responsibility in instilling good character according to Islamic values.

Quoted from BincangSyariah.com, Islam teaches us to always pay attention to the education of our children, both physically and spiritually. According to Abdullah Nasih Ulwan in Tarbiyatul Awlad fil Islam, there are several factors that cause deviant behavior in children.

What are they?

Economic factors
To overcome economic disparities, Abdullah Nasih Alwan states that Islam, with its fair sharia, has established basic rules to combat poverty, including the obligation of zakat. It does not stop there, in a hadith, the Prophet emphasized that a person's faith is not complete if they sleep while being full while their neighbor is hungry.

Parental quarrels
Frequent parental quarrels are one of the causes of deviant behavior in children. If you want your children to have a healthy mindset, it is best to avoid arguing in front of them.

No child in the world enjoys seeing their parents argue. The effects of parental quarrels on children's future are inevitable and can cause trauma.

 

Divorce of Parents

Divorce tends to have a negative impact on children's mental well-being. Perhaps the child can endure during the divorce, but there will always be something missing and unbalanced. Remember, divorce not only separates the couple, but it will certainly have an impact on the children.

According to Abdullah Nasih Alwan, in order to avoid divorce between husband and wife, they should understand and help each other in household tasks and educating their children. Do not forget to also respect each other's rights in order to maintain a harmonious and lasting marital relationship.

 

Free Time and Negative Associations

Children have a lot of free time
Free time for children can have a negative impact if not filled with positive activities, especially for teenagers. Idle time can lead to behavioral problems in children. If not directed properly, they may engage in inappropriate activities driven by their youthful desires.

Negative associations
The circle of friends has some influence on a child's psychological development. Deviant behavior usually grows through habits that they frequently engage in. Once it becomes a habit, it will be difficult to correct their character. Therefore, according to Abdullah Nasih Alwan, parents should pay attention to who their children usually befriend, where they usually go, and so on.

For more information, read it here.