Advice from Gus Baha for Wives who are Cheated on, What Should They Do?

Through the above hadith, Islam condemns the deceitful act of a man who tries to separate a woman from her husband. This includes deceiving a woman with the intention of ruining someone else's marriage.

In addition, infidelity generally involves adultery and betrayal. Islam strongly prohibits adultery, as stated in Surah Al-Isra verse 32:

"And do not approach adultery. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way." (Quran 17:32)

Advice from Gus Baha for Wives who are Cheated on

A wife who finds out that her husband is cheating is usually faced with different reactions. Some may get angry and cry immediately, while others may ask for a divorce right away because they feel disappointed and betrayed.

However, KH. Ahmad Bahauddin Nursalim, or commonly known as Gus Baha, provides special advice to wives who find out that their husbands are cheating. This advice was given during one of his lectures when a woman told him that her husband got married again in Malaysia. So, what does Islamic law say about this?

"Gus, my husband got married again in Malaysia. What does Islamic law say about it? Instead of this, I should also get married again. But according to Islamic law, a husband who gets married again doesn't need to observe the waiting period (iddah). So, what if I get married again?" the woman asked Gus Baha.

Then Gus Baha said:

"Marriage there is valid. A husband getting married again there is valid. At most, he is considered polygamous. The wife cannot get married again until she is divorced, even though she is hurt and wants to be divorced."

Gus Baha offers to provide an answer based on the perspective of scholars or the social perspective. If it is from the perspective of scholars, Gus Baha will explain it.

"If you are not divorced, you cannot get married again. If you are divorced, you have to wait until the waiting period is over before you can get married again." Gus Baha explained.

"My husband doesn't want to divorce me." the wife said.

Then Gus Baha asked the wife:

"I ask you, do you want to get a divorce or not? What do you want?"

"If I am divorced, my fate will be clear, Gus. I can get married again." the wife said.

"If you want your fate to be clear, I can teach you, but you have to trust me." Gus Baha said.

"You don't have to wait to get married again, you don't have to wait to be divorced. Now, you just have to believe in the mercy of Allah. You being neglected by your husband becomes your good deed, your reward. You suffering from being oppressed also becomes your good deed, your field of rewards. From now on, just enjoy your life while waiting for the situation. From now on, you are a good person because your husband oppresses you. You don't have to be greedy, hoping to be divorced and then marry someone else, it's not certain."

"Now, there is only one person neglecting you, if you hope to be married to someone else, you will be neglected again, making it two people neglecting you. All of that may not be the best for you. What is certain is that it has become the best, you as a believer must have faith that everything is the will of Allah, if you are patient, you will receive rewards." Gus Baha advised the wife.