Husband Must Know! These are the Often Overlooked Etiquettes of Intimacy

Dream - Imam Al-Ghazali once explained that sexual intercourse is not just a routine activity to satisfy desires. According to him, sexual intercourse is a physical and psychological activity that is quite complex. It involves emotions, body language, verbal language, and has dimensions of worship and medicine.

Therefore, for married couples who want to engage in intimacy, it is important to prepare well and learn the etiquettes taught in Islam. In this case, it is important to study them beforehand in order to avoid mistakes, such as violating what has been recommended by the Prophet Muhammad.

Now, here is a further explanation of what husbands often violate during intimacy, as summarized by Dream from various sources.

Approaching the Wife Only When in Need

One thing to consider in the etiquette of marital relations is not approaching the wife only when in need. This activity is only done to fulfill the husband's desires without considering the wife's condition. This is not a simple matter, as it has a significant impact on the future of the marital relationship.

Because fundamentally, a woman has desires just like a man. It is explained in the following hadith:

"Indeed, a woman is a sibling of a man." (HR. Ahmad)

In this case, it is also possible that women have greater sexual needs. However, usually women feel shy to express it openly and prefer to remain silent.

Being So Engrossed in Worship, Forgetting the Wife

In marital relations, a husband is commanded to treat his wife well. This includes fulfilling her emotional needs. As explained in the following verse of Surah An-Nisa:

وَاعْتَصِمُوا بِاللَّهِ هُوَ مَوْلَاكُمْ ۖ فَنِعْمَ الْمَوْلَىٰ وَنِعْمَ النَّصِيرُ

Meaning: "O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good." (Surah An-Nisa: 19)

Furthermore, we can also learn from the story of Abu Darda who was so engrossed in worship that he forgot about his wife. He was then advised by his friend named Salman to fulfill his wife's emotional needs. But Abu Darda ignored his friend's advice and instead brought it up to the Prophet Muhammad.

The Prophet Muhammad confirmed the advice given by Salman to Abu Darda. He said:

"Indeed, your Lord has rights over you, and you have rights over your Lord, and your wife/family has rights over you. So, fulfill every right to its rightful owner." (HR. Bukhari)