Parental Etiquette Towards Children, Ask for Permission When Taking Their Possessions

Dream - Etiquette and manners cannot be separated from the teachings of the Prophet and Islamic values. Many people think that etiquette only needs to be practiced by younger people towards older people, while Islam teaches us to behave respectfully towards anyone regardless of age.

This includes showing proper etiquette towards our own children. For example, when borrowing or using our children's belongings, make sure to ask for permission and not take them without permission. Often, parents feel entitled to their children's belongings and use them as they please.

According to Muslimah.or.id, one of the guidelines for parents' etiquette towards children in Islam is to ask for permission from the child when taking, borrowing, or using something that belongs to the child. This has great benefits.

Among them, it shows the parents' care for their child and serves as an example to teach Islamic etiquette when using something that is not their own. The hope is that when the child interacts with others, they will also apply these manners.

One of the evidence for this is a hadith narrated through the companion Sahl bin Sa'id as-Sa'idi may Allah be pleased with him.

Meaning: "The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was served a drink. Then he drank it. There was a young child on his right side and a group of elderly people on his left side. He asked the young child, 'Do you allow me to give the remaining of my drink to those people over there (the elderly)?' The young child replied, 'No, by Allah. I will not prioritize them over the remaining of your drink that belongs to me.' Then the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him handed the drink to the child." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari no. 5620 and Muslim no. 2030)

In another narration (At-Tirmidhi no. 3455 and Ahmad no. I/220), it is mentioned that the drink in this hadith is milk. The young child on the right side of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is Ibn Abbas may Allah be pleased with him, and the elderly people on the left side are Khalid bin al-Walid may Allah be pleased with him.

 

Therefore, this opinion states that when a parent vows to buy a motorcycle if their child achieves first place in their class, they cannot cancel and revoke that vow, and must fulfill it without paying expiation for the vow.

The second opinion is that it is not permissible for parents to cancel and revoke a vow that has been made to their child. Therefore, if parents have already made a vow to their child, they are obligated to fulfill that vow, and if they do not fulfill it, they must pay expiation for the vow.

 

Another etiquette related to asking for permission from a child when taking their rights is to explain the reasons to the child when we forbid them from taking something that does not belong to them. One of the evidence for this issue is a hadith narrated through the companion Abu Hurairah may Allah be pleased with him. He said:

Meaning: "Al-Hasan bin 'Ali (the grandson of the Prophet) took a date from the pile of charity dates (zakat). Then he put the date in his mouth. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said, 'Take it out. Don't you know that we (the descendants of the Prophet) are not allowed to eat charity (zakat)?'" (Narrated by Al-Bukhari no. 1485 and Muslim no. 1069)

From this hadith, it can be understood that besides being forbidden for a child to take something that is not their right, it is also good to inform the child of the reason for the prohibition so that they can understand it. For more detailed explanation, read it here.

The Islamic Ruling on Parents Making Promises to Children, Is it Obligatory to Fulfill?

Dream – Promising gifts, snacks, or things that children like is often done by parents to provide motivation. For example, a father promises a new bicycle to his child when they achieve first place in school.

In Islam, this is considered a vow to the child. So, if parents have made a vow to their child, is it permissible to cancel and revoke that vow? According to BincangSyariah.com, the scholars have different opinions regarding the permissibility of parents canceling and revoking a vow made to their child. In the book Al-Fatawa Al-Fiqhiyah Al-Kubra, Imam Ibn Hajar Al-Haitami mentioned two opinions of scholars on this matter.

The first opinion is that it is permissible for parents to cancel and revoke a vow that has been made to their child. This is because a vow is considered a parent's charity to the child. Just as a parent is allowed to take back charity given to their child, they can also cancel and revoke a vow made to their child.

 

Difference of Opinion Among Scholars

Therefore, based on this opinion, when a parent vows to buy a motorcycle if their child achieves first place in their class, they can cancel and revoke that vow, and not fulfill it without having to pay expiation for the vow.

The second opinion is that it is not permissible for parents to cancel and revoke a vow that has been made to their child. Therefore, if parents have already made a vow to their child, they are obligated to fulfill that vow, and if they do not fulfill it, they must pay expiation for the vow.

 

Obligatory to Fulfill

The second opinion is the favored opinion of Imam Ibn Hajar himself. According to him, a vow made by parents to their child becomes obligatory, so parents must fulfill it. A parent's vow to their child cannot be canceled and revoked like regular charity. This is because charity is voluntary, while a vow is obligatory, even if it is a parent's vow to their child.

The stronger opinion is the difference between a vow and regular charity in terms of the obligation to fulfill the vow. Therefore, it is not permissible to cancel a valid vow. For more detailed explanation, read it here.